I've often been asked what it takes to be a good leader. Over the years, my answer has evolved significantly:

• Initially, I believed it was all about working with the team.

• Later, I recognized the importance of solving real customer problems.

• Then, I emphasized empathy, understanding how to solve problems for users and businesses by considering various perspectives.

• Throughout, I held to the principle of leading by example.

My approach is centered on curiosity, empathy, customer-centricity, and team-centeredness. 

It was only recently that I realized I was missing a crucial piece, maybe the most important one. And possible one that is so close to me that became almost invisible: myself!

Even doing all the above is insufficient if you are not clear about who you are, what drives you, your blockers, the stories you tell yourself, and how you can leverage these insights to bring out the best in yourself and others. I began to understand this when I felt stuck and started working with a coach.

If you don't have the opportunity to work with a coach, I highly recommend Donna Lichaw's book “The Leader’s journey”. It provides an actionable and relatable guide, emphasizing that every leader’s journey starts with you.

Below my main takeaways:

You are a superhero: identify your superpowers

Donna Lichaw uses superhero metaphors to describe how leaders should think about their strengths (superpowers), kryptonite (blockers), and mission (the impact they want to make).

One of the most useful parts of the book is her actionable framework for identifying your superpowers. A critical point is that only you can identify your superpower. If someone else tells you what you're good at, be cautious about the underlying story that assumption might hide (more on that later).

Start by going back to your life story and identify what were your peak experiences: when were you at your best? How did you feel? What brought you there?

To understand these, use some tools from your product toolbox:

• Chart your own user journey: This gives you the big picture of who you are, what motivates you, and your key skills. Consider questions like: What were the significant steps in your life? What led you to your current line of work? When were you happiest and why? What motivated you at crossroads? Who helped you? How did you feel?

• Identify who you admire and why: The qualities we admire in others often reflect the ones we wish to have.

• Reflect on your biggest conflicts: These likely reveal your kryptonite. I learned that for me, it manifests as feeling cornered and waiting for external events to "rescue me." Understanding this helps me manage these feelings better.

Important note - do not expect this work to be done overnight. It helped me quite a lot to start with a user journey, as that was based on facts. But I got a total “blank” for many of the other questions. Identifying your core strengths takes time, and it may require help from others, but the work is well worth the effort.

You are the stories you tell yourself: be aware of them

Once you’ve identified your superpowers, work on the story of how to use them. Define your journey and mission. Donna’s examples in the book illustrate how to craft your story, but the most useful part was about defining how to get there.

Dreaming is easy, but making those dreams a reality can be challenging. One key concept is the power of stories—we are the stories we tell ourselves and the ones we internalize from others. These stories can either propel us forward or immobilize us.

When planning your future, consider both the positives and the potential obstacles. Identify whether these obstacles are based on actual facts or merely stories you tell yourself. For instance, do you doubt your bravery because of real impediments (I have no money to move abroad) or because of a limiting story you believe (I am not brave enough to leave all I have built behind)? Unpacking these stories is a crucial lesson from the book.

Stories are everywhere—we have stories about ourselves, and stories about others. And we need to exercise the muscles of recognizing and talking about them in order to overcome them. Because the real trick here is that our brain cannot distinguish between a story that actually happened and one that you made up. If these stories feel true, they determine your actions (or inactions).

From my own experience, mapping the stories I tell myself has been quite a painful and useful journey:

• "I am not good enough": This story was internalized from others. How did I realize? When I was thinking about it, it was with someone else’s voice, not my own. To tame this story I went back to my life journey and looked at al I have achieved. I am not on the other side yet, but it feels better. I am taming this horror story

• "I have to work harder for things to improve": This story is rooted in from my childhood. Discussing it with my mother helped me understand and start overcoming it.

• "I can't let down my husband and team": This aligns with my core value of connecting with people and making a positive impact. But I realized I need to feel good first to help others.

Identifying the stories you tell yourself isn’t always easy. Here are some tips:

• Ask your body: Use meditation or other techniques like role playing to feel different scenarios. What does your body tell you?

• Ask people around you: Interview them to check if your perceptions align with reality.

• Use the double diamond technique: Think broadly about potential problems, then narrow down to real threats and plan how to address them. Often, perceived demons are less scary than they seem.

• Reflect: Ask yourself, "What belief underlies my thought? Is this based on facts?"

The stories you tell yourself about others are just as vital. Be cautious about narratives that can affect collaboration. Ensure they are based on facts, not just your perspective. Things like “he doesn’t understand (insert topic: our strategy, how we work with product, what is important..), “she doesn’t care”, “they are never available” are narratives that can define how you think about, look , and interact with people. Make sure to double check if they are based on facts, or only on the narrative that you created based on your point of view. 

It is not about changing or challenging, it is about understanding

To me the core message of the book is:

"You are at your best and do your best work when you use your superpowers: your strengths, skills, values—all the things that empower you to show up and make a difference."

This may seem obvious, but it’s often overlooked. Many workplaces and leaders focus on improving weaknesses rather than leveraging strengths. While self-improvement is important, the impact of doubling down on your strengths is far greater than trying to change what you do not enjoy.

Don't fight yourself. Start by understanding who you are, what you want, and where you’re heading. It starts with you, your superpowers, and the stories you create. Use this knowledge to make an impact in the world. Define your center, and follow it—great things will happen.

I will be sharing more about my journey with values and their impact on my career decisions at the Productized conference in October. I’m also considering creating a Miro template for this kind of work, but I want to have an idea of the interest first. If you'd like to have it, please write to me, so I get a sense of the demand.

More about this book on the chat that Donna had with Lenny on his podcast